Did you ever notice how many times the people who seem like they have the most to be sad about, have an unflappable sense of acceptance and kindness?  It’s almost baffling: people born with physical ailments with a most positive attitude, versus, say, little rich kids who waste away all their God and parent-given gifts.  Given that contrast, it’s easy for one to judge one person as better and one person as a lousy ingrate. 

The way I see it, we’re all born on this planet to learn a certain set of lessons, perhaps revolving around a common theme.  There are two factors which facilitate the learning of our lesson:

- Nature: our intrinsic personality, mental predisposition, physical attributes. 

-Nurture: the situation we’re born into, involving parents, geographic location, etc.

People will be given a unique combo based on whether their lesson is to, say…  Be homosexual in an intolerant environment, develop their intellectual passions despite parents who don’t see value in their pursuing higher education, etc.

Yet everyone’s challenge is in one way the same: everyone is put here to conquer it.

The child with a physical deformity – his challenge is to come out on top.  The child given health and every material benefit – his challenge is to come out on top.  At first glance it may seem like the first kid has a much tougher challenge to conquer, so why do we consistently see them doing just that?

I think it’s simply: dependence on the external world.  The first kid learns early on that what he has in the material world will not satisfy him, he has to find inner peace.  The second kid gets everything he wants, sometimes he needs to cry to get it, but either way, he is conditioned to be dependent on "things". Since this approach rarely fails him, he continues into adulthood searching for temporary external patches for happiness.  Even if one day he realizes the flaws in his approach, by the time he is an adult many of these habits will be deeply ingrained.  It takes a lot more desire to change, a lot more effort, a lot more action.

Replacing thoughts of judgment with wishes of good luck on their challenge is an effective way to deal with these seemingly easy-to-judge situations.  There are not good and bad people, there are stronger and weaker people, all taking tests of incomparable difficulty.

 


Comments

Brian Monahan, Expert in the Rough

Sun, 24 Aug 2008 18:10:51

Georgina,

I think there is another factor and that is choice.

You can accept what life gives you or you can choose a path. There are not guarantees of results in life, but our thoughts and actions are always within our control.

You can be a victim or you can be a victor.

have a good one,

Brian

 

DE

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 22:17:42

I remember an experience that touched me very deeply, early on in life. I was in junior high, and we had one of our regular assemblies at school. These assemblies usually involved some priest getting us psyched up to sell chocolates or raffle tickets, but I could immediately tell this one was different.

As I walked up to take a seat by my friends, I noticed a couple of guys on the stage with guitars. I remember thinking, "Oh good. Songs about raffle tickets." Then, as the guitarists were introduced, I saw something that blew me away: The dudes with guitars didn't have any arms!

As they brought their legs up, they began playing chords while singing, strumming with one foot while fretting with the toes of the other. The song? Let It Be.

After playing, they explained that they were brothers, both of whom were born without arms. They told us that you have to make the best of what you have, and that your success depends only on you.

Watching those guys play has been one of the most profound experiences of my (I guess not very exciting) life. What I learned that day will stay with me forever. In life and in business, never worry about the competition. Simply be the best at what you do. When all is said and done, there's only one thing you can control: effort.

 

Jonathan Toler

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 05:19:52

Georgina,

First off, I have enjoyed reading your blog posts. I am a friend of Jenny & Fridge's and Jenny ended up telling me about the Elephant post one day at lunch.

I agree with your idea of being conditioned to be dependent and with Brian's idea of choosing a path. When I was 12, I went to a basketball camp with a kid who was hearing impaired. All of the counselors prepped us saying that we shouldn't make fun of him and should pretty much give him the white-glove treatment. Well I stopped giving him the white glove treatment about an hour later when he elbowed me on. After a little scuffle, we became fast friends and I learned three major points that summer.

The first is that no matter what your ailment or shortcoming, with a little effort and perseverance, you can achieve your goals.

The second idea is that no matter what someone else's ailment is, they pretty much have the same basic goals that you do in life: love, success, and happiness.

The last thing was simply the concept of turning your perceived weaknesses into strengths. While my friend could not hear me calling out the plays as I brought the ball up the court, he also couldn't hear the other team trying to rattle his concentration at the free throw line.

In the end, my team ended up winning the tournament at the camp. Ironically, we won the game on two fourth quarter free-throws by the kid who couldn't hear all the trash-talking.

 

Georgina Taylor

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 06:52:57

Thank you all for your inspiring stories, it seems like a lot of us know an inspiring, positive person who would seem at first glance to have everything in the world to be miserable about.

Regarding choice, that is exactly where the strength of character comes in. The two factors I mentioned (nature and nurture) are the hand of cards we are dealt, and free will is how we play them. The farther along we are in the game, however, the harder it is to turn around a badly played hand.

 

Ali

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 06:29:01

Toti! You have no idea how much I've enjoyed reading your blog posts. There is no doubt that you are incredible at addressing the most unbelievably interesting topics of discussion! In all honesty, I have found myself thinking for at least half an hour (before even starting to comment) about what you've said on each of your posts.

:p, I can see it already, a review by some prominent magazine critic:

"A Word on the Challengedly Challenged", by Georgina Taylor -- an insightful, profound, and beautifully expressed opinion on the highly controversial topic of free will.

Gotta love it!
And, hey, this post certainly doesn't lack the famed Toti trademark -- the featured metaphor of the day! As a true aficionado of the game of poker, I love the comparison that you made between a hand dealt in a game of poker, and the numerous factors in life that ultimately shape who we are. And I agree, what truly maters in the game of life is not merely what cards we are dealt, but how we choose to play those cards.

My tenth-grade English teacher, Mr. Timothy Tydlacka (yes, that was his name!), always used to say that, "In the end, everything is connected." And I'm definitely feeling a connection here to our wonderful conversation about cognitive assonance! It would seem that a person's every action (a poker player's every check, call, raise or bluff) can be classified as either in-line with his true and ultimate goals, or as an impulse spurred only by a need to indulge his short term desire. Paradoxically, said classification of human motivation raises an interesting dilemma:

Can there, and should there be a balance in our lives between 1) actions that are aligned with the pursuit of our true goals, and 2) actions that are meant only to satiate our immediate need for self-satisfaction?

I feel that said dilemma is a result of a common misconception -- the belief that if all of our actions were aligned with our pursuit of true goals, then there would remain no time for fun and self-satisfaction NOW.

But why must the two types of action be mutually exclusive?

It is my conviction, that there is no reason for which actions that serve both ultimate and immediate goals cannot exist. And hence, I feel convinced that our sole mission in life is to continually seek out and perform the rare actions that, regardless of their scope or timeframe, reverberate with perfect cognitive assonance.

So, as cliché as this may sound, here is what I feel it all comes down to:

Let us work on something that we are deeply passionate about; let us seek to establish life-long relationships; let us learn from our experiences and mistakes; let us impart meaning into life by striving to help; let us impart meaning into life by striving to make a difference; since, by doing so, happiness and satisfaction inevitably follow.

But anyway Toti, in the interest of concluding this comment and making more innocent fun of Yoda and his Yodaisms (as well as my silly poetry), here we go :)

A pair of cards, you and I have been dealt,
And with them, clever choices we must make,
Yet with destiny we tread, there's one path to take,
Slowly... we come to feel what never we have felt.

 

Sebastian Miles

Sun, 15 Feb 2009 14:32:02

We are all crippled in one way or another. there are fisical, mental or a combination of these. Often people don't recognize what may be wrong in their life, others decide to ignore it but sooner or later it will catch up with you. Its not what life gives you, but what you take from it, keeping yourself positive and moving forward is the true courage in life. We struggle with our inner daemons every day but we must not let them consume us.

Positive outlook in life isn't a natural thing in all of us, we do a conscious effort to maintain it even when life beats us down.

 



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